The "Right Time"

Howdy folks,
Haven't really blogged about mental health for a bit so I thought I would talk a little bit about an anxiety that I have in regards to the relationships with people around me. Mental Health Issues can be something that can be very daunting to people that haven't any experience with it in their lives. Sometimes it can be hard for people to understand that there's nothing different about you as a person but sometimes you're not always 100%. I've struggled with finding the right time to tell people about my illness, with a mixture of results. I told my college class through my coursework and even then we didn't really have a proper conversation about how it effects me (no mental health issues are the same in two people) and I was just not there lots and constantly had doctors appointments (early stages of diagnosis is a LITTLE crazy!).

I was told about my illnesses through a piece of paper and even then it's not truly correct (I've been pushed around to multiple psychiatrists over the last year). I was told how I was feeling and what was going on with me through an informal printed document that still sits in a drawer in my room. I think the thing with telling people about your mental health issues can be extremely difficult because with a physical disability people have some sort of preparation and knowledge but with a mental health issue you can't see it. You could go through years of a friendship without even knowing what the other person was suffering. In some way it's like "coming out", you get mixed feedback and not everyone sticks around in life. I have a prediction that after two bad breakdowns people tend to get bored and fade away, which can be devastating.

I don't want to lose these people. It's hard to grow relationships with people until they learn that you're "sick" and slowly drift away. It's difficult to find that "right time" to tell people about your illness. I guess it's complicated because there's so much stigma around mental illness so trying to find that "right time" is never a "right time" for certain people! It's been a big worry for me because I'm 19, heading off to uni and will have to try and somehow make friends. My illness' can be somewhat restraining and it can be hard to do things that normal teenagers are supposed to do. It's also going to be difficult having that conversation and hoping that I don't lose more people in my life. I also worry that it's a complete turnoff. As I mentioned in my Romanticising Mental Illness post, it's not all men falling your feet to "rescue you from your tower", in reality, it's hard to think of why any guy would fall for me with everything that I have "wrong with me".

I mean, I've been diagnosed with Obsessional Thoughts, I get paranoid about little things, it's a part of OCD that can be crippling. I get scared that people would get that glimpse of the little things that make up my illness and run for the hills. How as a society can we now be somewhat more accepting of race, sexuality and to a degree gender but still recoil in horror at the terrifying words "mental health" or "therapy". I'm not crazy, I never have been. But the stereotype of my disability means that not everyone takes a chance to truly see me for who I am. It's horrible that some people with see my diagnosis as a definition of myself. I'm not my illness. I'm not defined by my illness.

One day I hope that the world will view mental health issues as something other than the stereotypes. They'll look beyond what they previously thought they knew and will learn that we're actually just like you. The fact that I have to define the mental health community as a "we" still makes me angry that even at 19 I don't feel somewhat accepted as a human being and not as a stereotyped crazy lady who can't control herself. One day. I'm just waiting for the change to happen.

Lots of Love,
Rebecca
xxx

Pet Shop Bowl Review

So it's taken me a little while to write this one (very sorry!) but it is time for my Pet Shop Bowl review. A couple of months ago they sent my puppy Tilly a box of goodies for us to talk about. Since then every product has been munched and I thought we would sum up how it all went down. Before I start Tilly and I did make a video that you can watch of the unboxing but this is the next step in reviewing. The video can be found here:

So just some basics before we properly get into things. Tilly is a 6 month old Goldendoodle (Golden Retriever/ Poodle). She of course is going to be quite a big puppy when she's fully grown. Most of the food was catered to her size but products can be bought off of PetShopBowl for pretty much any size and breed. So time for some PetShopBowl info: PetShopBowl is a nationwide home delivery subscription service to pet food. The idea for PetShopBowl came from the founder; Adam's personal experience. His mother suffers from arthritis and struggled with carrying heavy bags of dog food and last minute rushes to the supermarket to stock up on cat food. Adam also noticed that supermarket prices were really expensive and so he decided to set up a business with his partner Lexi that would make a positive impact on the pet industry. More about the company can be found here: About PetShopBowl!!!

The first product Tilly tried was Country Hunter's Seriously Meaty Meals in Salmon with Raspberry. Tilly ate the whole can pretty quickly so I'm certain she enjoyed it very much (even if I was repulsed by the fishy breath afterwards!). On the PetShopBowl website this costs £2.20 which is a 9p cheaper compared to a popular pet shop. Although my puppy loved this and enjoyed eating it, the smell was vile and was quite hard to deal with the aftermath of stinky fish breath. I don't know if it was entirely linked or not but Tilly did throw up later in the afternoon, which we're hoping was down to her eating something in the garden and not this dog food as she really enjoyed it.

The next item in the package came in the form of Symply for Large Breed Puppy in Turkey and Rice. This is actually not much different to Tilly's regular dry food that is Chicken and Rice so she ate it quite happily. On PetShopBowl this product costs £9.99 (for 2kg) and lasts about a week. The product is also Wheat Gluten Free so is great for puppy's prone to digestive problems. As I said previously this is quite similar to Tilly's regular food so I'm not too sure if she really noticed a difference, but the bag did disappear quite quickly. When doing my research for price comparisons I found that I could not actually find this on the popular pet shop website and so couldn't compare it price wise. But this product did appear to be about £1 more expensive than the dog food that Tilly has anyways. There's no real differences between the food other than the type of meat used but it made a nice change to mix it up for a few days.

Lastly in the box we had Lily's Kitchen Bedtime Biscuits, which admittedly looked and smelt so good that I had to restrain myself from having a nibble because they looks like human biscuits! Tilly loves bedtime biscuits and we find them a great tool to help tempt her into her crate at night times as she can be a bit of a madam about it. These went down a treat with Tilly, she really enjoyed them. They're made with Honey, Yogurt, Chamomile and Passion Flowers and were completely organic. These cost £2.49 for 0.10kgs which seemed a little pricey but because they were loved so much by my puppy I can see that really there's more pro's than con's with this one.



What I have loved about the PetShopBowl website is that it has been incredibly easy to look for items and pretty much has anything your pet would need from food to toys. I was really impressed with the website and definitely think it's a great idea and a great brand that will look at in the future. You can go find Online Pet Supplies here: PetShopBowl and I would like to thank them for sending Tilly this lovely parcel!

Lots of Love,
Rebecca
xxx
 

What I'm Listening Too - February 2015

It's time for what I'm listening to this month. It's been a little tough as I've not necessarily been listening to much different from the previous month ( Read it here! ). I think I may have said that I'm trying to cut down how much I write for each artist so please excuse the new (hopefully) shorter blog So here we go:

1. Rae Morris

  I've been loving Under The Shadows by Rae Morris this month! The Blackpool born singer released her debut album last month but has released multiple ep's and singles over the last couple of years. Rae has also supported the likes of George Ezra, Bombay Bicycle Club and Tom Odell and has reached number 9 on the Official UK Album charts last month. She was also selected to perform on the BBC Introducing Stage at Reading and Leads in August 2011.


There's a very Kate Bush type vibe from her music video for Shadows but I think is beautifully edited and really does justice to the song. I have to admit when I'm in the radio studios this is the song I will be singing along to at the top of my voice! Hopefully good things are going to be happening for Rae this year and I will be looking forward to hearing more from her in the future.

2. Lorde

Admittedly I know this is starting to look like I have a bad case of hair envy but I'm loving both Rae and Lorde this month (it's got nothing to do with their gorgeous locks, I promise!). At only 18 this gorgeous lady has already achieved so much. Her single Royals became a global hit and since then the young star has been thrown into the limelight. The grammy winner is doing incredible things and has even written songs for the Hunger Games series.


My track that I have been loving this month from Lorde is Team. I recently heard it on the radio whilst cooking dinner and since then have just been obsessed with that song, along with Yellow Flicker Beat from the Mockingjay soundtrack. So here is my Lorde favourite this month, Team:

3. Bastille

Bastille are band that I have loved for a couple of years now. I was lucky enough to see them live in August last year which just threw my love to a whole new level. Admittedly over the last few months I have been so focused on finding singer/songwriters that I kind of pushed these lovely boys aside. But during the month of February the boys have been back on the playlists and have been a go to listen when I'm writing blogs. Bastille has been around for a couple of years now and has only just wrapped up promotion for their first album (it's been non-stop for those years too!). The boys have done massive things in this time and no doubt you have heard their song Pompeii at least once on the radio at some point.

Bastille are currently working on their second album (which is super exciting for fans of their music!). Their music (written by lead singer Dan Smith (second on the left)) is so beautifully written and produced that you just can totally submerse yourself in their songs. I'm a big strings fan (I grew up playing violin) and there are some GORGEOUS strings pieces in their songs that compliment their music so beautifully. So if you haven't listened to Bastille yet, give them a listen now:

4. To Kill A King

I am also loving To Kill a King this month. I heard about these guys through Bastille (as they previously were Bastille's opening act) and fell in love. They are a darker and deeper make of Bastille and their songs are just perfection. I've had the pleasure of seeing them live with Bastille but would really love to see them on their own at some point as I think their music is completely stunning.  They have fairly recently released their latest EP "Exit, Pursued By A Bear" which I have listened repeatedly this month.

Ralph (in the middle of the picture) used to make "Ralph's Balcony" sessions that would go up on YouTube, collaborating with other bands and acoustically playing songs. This was how I first heard of these boys because I found a version of their song 'Choices' that featured a variety of artists, including Dan and Will from Bastille. I fell in love with their song and begun looking up more and now I can't get enough! Although I love pretty much everything these guys do I'm going to share with you said 'Choices' video as it is stunning:

5. Ella Eyre 

I totally didn't stick Bastille and To Kill a King in the middle to make it look like I wasn't having hair appreciation on this blog post... We are huge fans of Ella in our house after she sung on Rudimental's 'Waiting All Night'. Ella's voice is just amazingly rich and not something that is really heard very much anymore, her voice really remind of of Macy Gray (weirdly). Anyway at only 20 Ella Eyre has already achieved so much, from having a UK no.1 to winning a Brit.

This gorgeous lady is already doing so well for herself and will be this years Germany entry at the Eurovision Song Contest. She released an album towards the end of last year and I have to admit, I love a bit of a dance around the house to a few of them. I cannot wait to see what this year has in store for this lovely woman!

Thank you for reading and happy listening!
Lots of Love,
Rebecca
xxx

Romanticizing Mental Illness

I've kept this one bottled up for a while. I was not really sure if I found it mildly offensive or not. But the older I get and the more I have traveled on my journey with mental health issues, I have realised that the romantacizing of mental illness is not okay, and gives those who do not fully understand, misconceptions about our illnesses. I know that not everyone with mental health issues suffer the same but the portrayal of mental health in the media is beginning to dangerously leak into the minds of the younger generation (I will come back to said reference in a little while!).

In the media people with mental health issues are portrayed as psychotic, uncontrollable and animal like. I'm yet so see a character in a film or television show with a mental illness and feel fully supportive of how they are portraying any of the illnesses that fall into that category. Thinking off the top of my head I cannot think of one character with mental illness portrayed in a positive light. Yet I can think of several that fall into some form of mental health issues that are shown as annoying, or vulnerable in need of rescuing from a handsome man.

This is leaking slowly into the minds of the newer teenagers. The online generation. The endless teenagers that spend their time creatively writing and reading fanfiction on the internet, or producing art to go on sites like tumblr. I've done my research into it because I wanted to know more. What I saw was completely terrifying at some degree or another. Very much in the fanfiction world mental illness is shown as something that can be soothed by the main character. Like an angelic man will gracefully fall down, gently remove the blades from your hands, lovingly bandage you up and then hold you until "the pain has all gone away". Or in other cases, the loving band member bringing you tubs of ice cream, cuddles and dvds when you are feeling depressed (mainly written as just having a bit of a rough day.)

As much as those things would be lovely when you're not feeling 100% they just don't happen. The world is yet to fully understand mental illnesses and no one truly knows how to deal with it as everyone is different. I know for young adults writing stories about it can be hard when they don't truly understand, but it can be scary how little they actually know when posting things online (especially tumblr, a site known for a haven of self hatred when you need it most). You see I wouldn't have known that information if I hadn't been deeply depressed, suicidal and in need of something to make me feel less alone in the world.

Mental Illness isn't about snuggling a loved one "until the pain goes away", a lot of the time, you're hidden away from the world, alone, under your duvet and trying to block out the world around you. Depression isn't just "feeling sad" for a few hours, it can last days, weeks and even months and once you've been to the deepest pit of hell with it, you can say easily that it's not just "feeling sad", it's much more complex and unable to explain properly to anyone who asks. When I feel depressed I like to say that I feel like I'm drowning, it's a good metaphor for how I am feeling, because when I feel love, I feel cut off from the world and unable to escape, it's hard to breath and it's scary, which now coincides with my "fish bowl" theory that I talked about last time I got really depressed ( Life From The Outside of a Fishbowl ).

It's just that mental illness is not some like a beautiful escape from normality. If anything having a mental illness is like being pushed into a deep hole and no one can get you out. It's not dramatic eyeliner, and extremely deep quotes. It's never going to be a beautiful thing to have and there are always going to be people that think we're psychotic lunatics that go around murdering people all the time. I wish it didn't have to be like this. I admit, sometimes, I do wish a gorgeous musician would come and cuddle me with ice cream and a movie when I felt depressed but it's just not reality and it won't ever happen like that.

Lots of Love,
Rebecca
xxx