The "Right Time"

Howdy folks,
Haven't really blogged about mental health for a bit so I thought I would talk a little bit about an anxiety that I have in regards to the relationships with people around me. Mental Health Issues can be something that can be very daunting to people that haven't any experience with it in their lives. Sometimes it can be hard for people to understand that there's nothing different about you as a person but sometimes you're not always 100%. I've struggled with finding the right time to tell people about my illness, with a mixture of results. I told my college class through my coursework and even then we didn't really have a proper conversation about how it effects me (no mental health issues are the same in two people) and I was just not there lots and constantly had doctors appointments (early stages of diagnosis is a LITTLE crazy!).

I was told about my illnesses through a piece of paper and even then it's not truly correct (I've been pushed around to multiple psychiatrists over the last year). I was told how I was feeling and what was going on with me through an informal printed document that still sits in a drawer in my room. I think the thing with telling people about your mental health issues can be extremely difficult because with a physical disability people have some sort of preparation and knowledge but with a mental health issue you can't see it. You could go through years of a friendship without even knowing what the other person was suffering. In some way it's like "coming out", you get mixed feedback and not everyone sticks around in life. I have a prediction that after two bad breakdowns people tend to get bored and fade away, which can be devastating.

I don't want to lose these people. It's hard to grow relationships with people until they learn that you're "sick" and slowly drift away. It's difficult to find that "right time" to tell people about your illness. I guess it's complicated because there's so much stigma around mental illness so trying to find that "right time" is never a "right time" for certain people! It's been a big worry for me because I'm 19, heading off to uni and will have to try and somehow make friends. My illness' can be somewhat restraining and it can be hard to do things that normal teenagers are supposed to do. It's also going to be difficult having that conversation and hoping that I don't lose more people in my life. I also worry that it's a complete turnoff. As I mentioned in my Romanticising Mental Illness post, it's not all men falling your feet to "rescue you from your tower", in reality, it's hard to think of why any guy would fall for me with everything that I have "wrong with me".

I mean, I've been diagnosed with Obsessional Thoughts, I get paranoid about little things, it's a part of OCD that can be crippling. I get scared that people would get that glimpse of the little things that make up my illness and run for the hills. How as a society can we now be somewhat more accepting of race, sexuality and to a degree gender but still recoil in horror at the terrifying words "mental health" or "therapy". I'm not crazy, I never have been. But the stereotype of my disability means that not everyone takes a chance to truly see me for who I am. It's horrible that some people with see my diagnosis as a definition of myself. I'm not my illness. I'm not defined by my illness.

One day I hope that the world will view mental health issues as something other than the stereotypes. They'll look beyond what they previously thought they knew and will learn that we're actually just like you. The fact that I have to define the mental health community as a "we" still makes me angry that even at 19 I don't feel somewhat accepted as a human being and not as a stereotyped crazy lady who can't control herself. One day. I'm just waiting for the change to happen.

Lots of Love,
Rebecca
xxx