To 'The Dream Team'

This is going to be a sappy post, I have to admit this now. I'm approaching the end of my degree and it's emotional. The last three years have been flooded with memories and wonderful experiences and will always be something I cherish. ANYWAY, as you may or may not know, last year after spending first year at Staffordshire University, I travelled back for second year. I spent 5 days on campus before I was invited to The University of Salford to "look around", what I didn't know is that I would get offered a place then and there. The lecturer told me I had a week to make the decision but within 5 minutes of leaving the building and being sat on the grass outside in a deck chair (a place I'd come back to frequent regularly), I knew that it would be STUPID of me to pass up such an incredible opportunity. So 5 days after moving back to Stoke, I packed up and moved back home for 2 weeks before starting at The University of Salford and I haven't looked back since, it's been a whirlwind.

So you're now caught up and this is where the actual blog post begins...(sorry). On my first day at this university, I met these wonderful faces ------------------------------>
I knew from the second they walked into the classroom that I wanted to be friends with them. They were funny and chatty and super friendly and suddenly the sheer terror of being the new kid melted away. I found my people. A group of likeminded, talented people who I now love so dearly that the thought of leaving them next month is just as painful as leaving the dog and the family every semester. These 4 gorgeous people have been there through everything, they looked after me when I didn't know anyone, had no clue where I was 98% of the time and only just about managed to get from my flat to the bus stop to the uni and then back to the flat again.

They invited me out and took me to places that I wouldn't have been brave enough to visit alone. They brought me out of my shell and showed me that my anxiety doesn't have to make me a hermit in the flat. They've been insanely patient with my brain and never gave up on me, something that I cannot even begin to express the gratitude for. Coming from being homeschooled, I've never really had a lot of friends and if you asked me to name friends before these 4, I would be able to name 3 really close people in my life. I've laughed more than I  have done in years with this gorgeous bunch of humans and I've finally started to feel like I'm finally living instead of being a prisoner of my mental health issues.

They don't care that I have these things "wrong" with me, they love me regardless and are insanely understanding and patient with me. When I'm poorly I know I can go to them and they will be there to sit and listen and help me rebuild and fix things. They've given me a new-found confidence and I now feel like I can do anything with these 4 beside me. I cannot wait to see where these 4 head in life and I know that we will always be there to support each other. I am so extremely grateful for these human beings and all of the support, kindness and friendship they have shown me over the last two years, they are my humans and I love them insanely.

For years I thought that I would be stuck living a life where people would come in and out of my life, fading away when they got bored of my brain being sucky. But I know with these 4 that this is so different. I went from being an anxious human being who would always say no to invites to go and do things to now being the one arranging places to go and time to spend together. I couldn't have done my degree without these 4 and I feel super lucky that they are mine.

Thank you gang, I love you!
Rebecca
xxx

The Final Hurdle

So I've found myself on the final 3 weeks of my degree. 3 WEEKS LEFT OF MY DEGREE! It's utterly terrifying and exciting all in one. I wanted to write a blog post because I started writing on here when I was first looking at universities and trying to decide where I wanted to be. It's been a tough, long journey to get to this point and I wanted to talk about it a little.

You see, I didn't want to go to university to begin with, I swore off it before I even made it to college. I was being homeschooled and the thought of being away from home sent a true anxiety fear coursing through my body. So a couple of years later when we started to look around universities I ended up getting fully sick. My brain gave up and couldn't handle the stress and the anxiety of it and that's when I first properly got mega poorly. It was terrifying and I thought that if even looking around universities made me this poorly, I could never go because how much worse could I get?

A couple of years later I stabilised a little and mum and I spent most weekends from September to November travelling across the country in search of a good university. I had panic attacks in lecture halls and I cried on the car journeys. I was terrified. Paralisingly terrified of what the future held. I talked a little on my blog about my experiences. How everyone talked about finding 'The One' and how I never really felt like I had done until I did. My first choice of university let me down when the course leader was horrible and I ended up settling for my second choice, which seems so stupid now because I loved my time there for a little while. I picked my uni because of a lecturer who made me feel happy and safe and I knew would help encourage me and support me through my degree.

I never thought I was going to make it to uni, I think I signed up not really knowing that I would have to in fact actually go once I'd accepted my place. I think I just sat and tried to pretend it wasn't happening. But I went, I was scared but I did it anyway. First year was just what I needed to settle me in. I made friends, I started to feel comfortable being away from home and I was happy. I loved my time at the university, but when the course started to deteriorate, I couldn't handle it anymore. I didn't love it anymore, I dreaded going back for second year and was horribly unhappy when I made it back after the summer.

So I got invited to come and look around the new university 5 days after I had gone back for my second year. Then when they offered me a place that day, I thought it would be completely stupid not to take it. The course looked engaging and I actually felt like I'd be pushed instead of coasting along on things that felt easy to me. So we drove the hour back to the old uni, moved me back out of my accomodation and back home for a couple of weeks.

I was nervous. I mean, who wouldn't be? Completely starting a-fresh in second year with people who already knew each other and had made friends over first year. I was super nervous. I had my first class with the above mentioned lovely lecturer who also came along to the new uni so I didn't feel as stressed as I could have been. I made friends who are still by my side and I am happy. I can't believe that I am on the final hurdle to finishing my degree. I never thought I was going to even make it to uni let alone be finishing my degree. We've done it and I can't get my head round that I've done it. I feel like a whole new person, I've been pushed out of my comfort zone and I've come out the other side feeling like I can take on the world.  Uni was the best thing I could have ever done for myself and I'm so excited to see what the future holds.

Rebecca
xxx