The Final Hurdle

So I've found myself on the final 3 weeks of my degree. 3 WEEKS LEFT OF MY DEGREE! It's utterly terrifying and exciting all in one. I wanted to write a blog post because I started writing on here when I was first looking at universities and trying to decide where I wanted to be. It's been a tough, long journey to get to this point and I wanted to talk about it a little.

You see, I didn't want to go to university to begin with, I swore off it before I even made it to college. I was being homeschooled and the thought of being away from home sent a true anxiety fear coursing through my body. So a couple of years later when we started to look around universities I ended up getting fully sick. My brain gave up and couldn't handle the stress and the anxiety of it and that's when I first properly got mega poorly. It was terrifying and I thought that if even looking around universities made me this poorly, I could never go because how much worse could I get?

A couple of years later I stabilised a little and mum and I spent most weekends from September to November travelling across the country in search of a good university. I had panic attacks in lecture halls and I cried on the car journeys. I was terrified. Paralisingly terrified of what the future held. I talked a little on my blog about my experiences. How everyone talked about finding 'The One' and how I never really felt like I had done until I did. My first choice of university let me down when the course leader was horrible and I ended up settling for my second choice, which seems so stupid now because I loved my time there for a little while. I picked my uni because of a lecturer who made me feel happy and safe and I knew would help encourage me and support me through my degree.

I never thought I was going to make it to uni, I think I signed up not really knowing that I would have to in fact actually go once I'd accepted my place. I think I just sat and tried to pretend it wasn't happening. But I went, I was scared but I did it anyway. First year was just what I needed to settle me in. I made friends, I started to feel comfortable being away from home and I was happy. I loved my time at the university, but when the course started to deteriorate, I couldn't handle it anymore. I didn't love it anymore, I dreaded going back for second year and was horribly unhappy when I made it back after the summer.

So I got invited to come and look around the new university 5 days after I had gone back for my second year. Then when they offered me a place that day, I thought it would be completely stupid not to take it. The course looked engaging and I actually felt like I'd be pushed instead of coasting along on things that felt easy to me. So we drove the hour back to the old uni, moved me back out of my accomodation and back home for a couple of weeks.

I was nervous. I mean, who wouldn't be? Completely starting a-fresh in second year with people who already knew each other and had made friends over first year. I was super nervous. I had my first class with the above mentioned lovely lecturer who also came along to the new uni so I didn't feel as stressed as I could have been. I made friends who are still by my side and I am happy. I can't believe that I am on the final hurdle to finishing my degree. I never thought I was going to even make it to uni let alone be finishing my degree. We've done it and I can't get my head round that I've done it. I feel like a whole new person, I've been pushed out of my comfort zone and I've come out the other side feeling like I can take on the world.  Uni was the best thing I could have ever done for myself and I'm so excited to see what the future holds.

Rebecca
xxx