Birthdays

So my birthday is just around the corner and I wanted to write a little something about turning 23 that isn't a just reflection of the year. I've struggled with birthdays for a few years, ever since getting sick it's just been a reminder of what life could be like at my age. I've always spent the day comparing myself to others and feeling stuck and left behind. I'd invite people to hang out for my birthday and always end up alone. I'd get this overwhelming pang of loneliness that I wouldn't be able to shake. I'd feel miserable that my life wasn't like the birthdays I'd see splattered all over social media, with friends celebrating. In all honesty I was never grateful for the family that would surround me and pick up those pieces. I'm so grateful for my mum for always being there to remind me that I was never truly alone and her work on making my birthday as special as she could make it.

But this year I couldn't care less about comparing my life to other people's. I couldn't care less about the people I called friends that would let me down each year with different excuses on why they couldn't celebrate my birthday with me. I'm happy. I have everyone that I need to be happy. I have a fantastic, supportive family who have stuck by me every step of the way. They've been there through the good times and the worst of times and are always there to remind me how loved I am. This year I may not get to see my wonderful friends who I love so dearly but they are always there when I need them and I love that they are always by my side, even when they are 200 miles away. I have my amazing boyfriend joining me this year and I'm so excited to be able to spend my birthday with him.
I am happy. I don't need all the material things to make me happy because I have my people (and my dog) beside me and that's all that matters.

It's finally time to start looking at birthdays as an achievement of making it through another year despite the hurdles thrown at me. For celebrating the achievements and things that have happened over the year and looking at how much I have grown. I DID IT! I made it another year and it might have it's rocky moments but my mental health issues have not won and I refuse to let them win. 22 was a great year and I'm excited to see what 23 holds for me.

Chapter 22

It's been rather a long time since I did a life update. I thought as my 22nd year comes to an end it was time to do a little look back on all the amazing things that have happened this year. It's time for a catch up and a reflection on a load of awesome adventures!

1. I GRADUATED!!!

As of a month ago I became a graduate at The University of Salford with a First Class degree in BA Television and Radio. I thought I'd include a photo with the gang as I've spoken about them so much here on the blog. I'm so insanely proud of these humans and all we have achieved and I genuinely cannot wait to see where life takes everyone in the future. The last three years have been incredibly difficult and a lot of work but it is over and I am so insanely grateful for everyone who has helped me along the way, from these lovely faces, my wonderful parents, some amazing lecturers, super great friends (shoutout to Jas who put up with me throughout first year!). It's been a difficult journey that I never expected to see the end of and I'm so happy to have been able to prove to so many people that I can do it!

2. I HAVE A BOYFRIEND!

I had to write this one in as it's rather exciting! I feel like it's probably time to introduce you to Andrew, who you've already seen in all the group photos and things that I've shared about uni and my uni friends. I was kind of surprised that I'd not even mentioned it on the blog or talked about the fact that we went from being really good friends to DATING (!!!) in the last year. Andy was in my first ever class at The University of Salford and is normally a TV mastermind. HOWEVER, I don't know what compelled him to take one radio lecturer in second year but he did. So when I started at the university two years ago, I instantly knew that I would get on really well with him (admittedly I thought he was quite cute but we won't tell him that bit...). It then turns out after a year and a half of being really good friends that we actually both quite liked each other and had been quite oblivious to the fact that the other person felt the same. Andrew plucked up the courage to ask me out just before Christmas (three days after I had gone home for the holidays) and things are going really well! It's been really fun to watch our relationship change and grow and I am so insanely happy to have him a little closer by my side than before. We're also learning the unpleasantness of being in a long distance relationship but we're figuring it out as we go. I have never been happier and more comfortable and I am such a gross, sappy, in love mess!

3. MY DREAM CAME TRUE... KINDA

So I finished my degree knowing that within a week I'd be starting a work experience placement with BBC Radio 2. IT WAS A DREAM COME TRUE! If you'd asked me where I wanted to end up after I graduated that station would have been my answer. It was an interesting experience, one that involved seeing The Jacksons whisked away in a car to walking right into Tan France from Queer Eye in Reception and very awkwardly apologising. It was surreal to see some of my favourite radio presenters that I've worshiped for years walking past me and saying hi but it was also a huge knock to my graduation come down. You see it's now been 3 months since I left university and I've not had any other radio work since. It's made me feel a little like that was my peak and nothing else is going to ever appear but I'm trying my hardest to hold out some hope that my life isn't completely over yet.

4. I PASSED MY TEST!

I finally passed my driving test after about three / four years of learning how to drive. It took me a while to get started on lessons because I was so anxious and terrified of driving. It's been a lot of work getting me to a point where I felt in control and able to control my driving anxiety but I had a wonderful instructor who took her time and helped me get to a point where I was ready to take my test. It wasn't an easy time and my anxiety went crazy but I did it and I am so happy to have achieved this!

It's been a great year and it finally feels like things are starting to fall into place. I'm happy and although I don't have everything I want yet, things are getting there and I'm working on making sure that I get where I want to be. 22 was a great year and I'm excited to see what 23 holds for me.

Rebecca
xxx