Birthdays

So my birthday is just around the corner and I wanted to write a little something about turning 23 that isn't a just reflection of the year. I've struggled with birthdays for a few years, ever since getting sick it's just been a reminder of what life could be like at my age. I've always spent the day comparing myself to others and feeling stuck and left behind. I'd invite people to hang out for my birthday and always end up alone. I'd get this overwhelming pang of loneliness that I wouldn't be able to shake. I'd feel miserable that my life wasn't like the birthdays I'd see splattered all over social media, with friends celebrating. In all honesty I was never grateful for the family that would surround me and pick up those pieces. I'm so grateful for my mum for always being there to remind me that I was never truly alone and her work on making my birthday as special as she could make it.

But this year I couldn't care less about comparing my life to other people's. I couldn't care less about the people I called friends that would let me down each year with different excuses on why they couldn't celebrate my birthday with me. I'm happy. I have everyone that I need to be happy. I have a fantastic, supportive family who have stuck by me every step of the way. They've been there through the good times and the worst of times and are always there to remind me how loved I am. This year I may not get to see my wonderful friends who I love so dearly but they are always there when I need them and I love that they are always by my side, even when they are 200 miles away. I have my amazing boyfriend joining me this year and I'm so excited to be able to spend my birthday with him.
I am happy. I don't need all the material things to make me happy because I have my people (and my dog) beside me and that's all that matters.

It's finally time to start looking at birthdays as an achievement of making it through another year despite the hurdles thrown at me. For celebrating the achievements and things that have happened over the year and looking at how much I have grown. I DID IT! I made it another year and it might have it's rocky moments but my mental health issues have not won and I refuse to let them win. 22 was a great year and I'm excited to see what 23 holds for me.