What I Read In January 2019

I haven't written about books in a while, but I've also set myself the task of reading a book a week this year and I thought that that might be a really good reason to talk about what I've been reading each month and my thoughts on them. Here they are in order of how I read them over the course of January and my thoughts on each read!

1. Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng 

I really enjoyed Little Fires Everywhere and was so annoyed that it has taken me so long to read this book. It was recommended after I finished Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine and I've wanted to read this book since march after hearing so many positive reviews. The story was laid out beautifully and I didn't find at any point that I really wanted to put the book down. The characters each fit perfectly into the story and I found, even though I mildly disliked some of them, the book still left me with the feeling of wanting the best for them. Set in Shaker Heights (which after doing some research actually exists), gave the book this somewhat dystopian feeling that everything must remain perfect. I really enjoyed reading this book as it unfolded and I was devastated when I finished it. I loved the book but I found the ending didn't quite hit the spot for me and I was left really wanting more in a way I've not felt with a book before. I highly recommend reading if you've been looking at this and debating if you should!

   2. Are We All Lemmings and Snowflakes by Holly Bourne 

I first read Holly Bourne's 'It Only Happens In The Movies' last year and fell in love with her writing style. I was give Are We All Lemmings and Snowflakes for Christmas after having it in my amazon wish list purely because it was written by Holly. I went in not knowing to expect at all other than Holly Bourne had written the book and I loved the surprise. 

Are We All Lemmings and Snowflakes follows the story of Olive who refuses to know her mental health diagnosis. It was a completely refreshing book to read about mental health and made me feel like there is someone that truly understands some of the intricacies that are going on in my brain. The book perfectly describes what it is like living with a mental health issues.

The book is perfectly written in Holly's usual wonderful style that makes reading her books fun and easy (I devoured 400 pages faster than I realised!). It's also the first book that I have read in a long time that has finished in a way that satisfied me and didn't leave me frustrated on the 'What ifs'.

3. The Keeper of Lost Things - Ruth Hogan 

The Keeper of Lost Things became a real feel good book. I found the beginning a little slow and was confused but all the different characters and their different stories. It became difficult to remember who each name belonged to but towards the end everything slotted perfectly into place. About 150 - 200 pages in I had figured out the ending of the book but still enjoyed finishing the story and reading how it finished for each character. I really felt as though the book had resolved itself and it was refreshing to not have it dragged out for another hundred pages. The book was a lovely read that left me smiling (and crying) in some places. It pulls you in to a creatively cosy world that makes the book easy to read and friendly to return to if you put the book down. You might find yourself feeling a little lost at points or not really understanding the multiple plot lines but do stick with it!

A real feel good book that I would recommend spending a weekend reading.

         4. The Tattooist of Auschwitz - Heather Morris 

I don't think I can write a review that gives adequate justice to this book. A traumatising and horrific account of life inside of Auschwitz during the second world war which horrifically reads like a fiction novel until you remember the reality. Brilliantly well written and impossible to put down. I feel a little dirty saying that I really enjoyed this book but I enjoyed it for the educational aspect and how interesting this book was to read. 

This story was just jaw dropping and heart breaking and the whole way through you are faced by the utter horror of Auschwitz and people suffered under the hands of others. It was chilling the whole way through and what made this book so horrific is that it reads like a horrific fictional novel until the gut wrenching horror washes over you that you are reading the true story of Lale Sokolov and it just is so horrific. I worried this book would make me unable to sleep at night, traumatised by what I had been reading (because a book about the holocaust really isn't what you want at bedtime) but this book is just brilliant and instead of traumatising is actually wonderfully well written and extremely insightful. A truly brilliant read that's a real eye opener.

5. Genuine Fraud - E. Lockhart     

This book was a complete spiral of loving and hating the read. The book reads backwards and putting the pieces of the puzzle together was fairly easy. The pace was intense and there were really good moments throughout the story. However, the was no real motive to anything that was happening throughout the story. A lot of the book left you asking, why she'd done everything she had done throughout the story. The ending didn't wrap up any loose ends and although the book was an interesting and wild read, the lack of motive really spoiled the story. 

I'm gutted as I was excited to read another E.Lockhart book after 'We Were Liars' but this was far from the same standards of that book. I hate to be so negative about my latest read but from spending my time excited to figure out what was happening, after the first hundred pages the story was easy to figure out and spoiled by the lack of reason the main character was the way she was.

I can't wait to see what books February holds. Stay tuned for more in the future!

Rebecca

xxx

Life with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

I've been a crappy blogger (I apologise!!!) The last time I wrote anything publically on this blog it was about The Dood for her birthday. But within that week of me posting that blog I went through my first ever break-up and everything I wrote about for my blogs just didn't feel write or interesting enough to be posted. I'm working on a blog post about everything but it's been a while since I looked at the post I wrote in the week of the break-up and so I haven't quite had the courage to face it yet!

Anyway, I wanted to talk about having Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), which I've previously done a couple of times but it's been more noticeable recently and so I wanted to document my current experiences with OCD to show that it isn't all even numbers and obsessive organisation and cleaning, like the stereotype for this illness is. Right now I'm struggling with two things: fingernails and noise (what a combination huh?). My fingernails (and my toenails really) are a constant thought cycle currently circling my brain. I used to have lovely long, strong fingernails but recently, I can't stop obsessing when they get too long. I can feel them there and their presence is a continuing weight on my brain. They feel funny and although I am trying to forget they are there, I just keep thinking about them sitting on the end of my fingers. They're going to end up getting cut very shortly because my brain cannot handle the feeling of them anymore.

I'm also struggling with noises. You see when you have an already noisy head, any additional noise can always be a little bit overwhelming. I'm currently reading 'Are We All Lemmings and Snowflakes' by Holly Bourne who's main character struggles with the same thing, albeit a lot more intensely but enough to make my little current OCD around noise feel a lot more understood. I struggle with disruptive noise, noise that can be controlled. Slamming doors, when doors can be shut quietly is an example. I obsess and listen out for the noise of the one door being shut incorrectly. I hear it EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. without fail. It aggravates me and makes my skin crawl. I get frustrated and my brain starts spiraling at the sound that could so easily be stopped. I get upset that my brain is like this. Irrational. I know I'm being irrational and these things are so stupid but I can't control it. My brain obsesses over these things until I snap and give in to trying to fix what is making my OCD worse.

Having OCD isn't always about having to have things lined up correctly or the cutlery in the correct slots in the draw. It's sometimes constantly having dry, sore, cracked hands from continuously having to wash your hands after you've touched things and have 'contaminated' your fingertips. I currently work in a hospital shop and I find myself rinsing my hands without even having realised I've whisked myself to the sink every 20 minutes to remove anything off my hands that could make me sick. Or having OCD that makes you check 4 different spots in your room several times before you go to sleep because there's a dead corpse/zombie thing behind you or under your bed. It's stupid, I know it's stupid but if I don't check and something happens it will be my fault. I check the front door several times once I've left the house, even sometimes turning the dog around halfway up the road to just quadruple check.

I feel stuck and trapped by an illness that controls every second of my day, every thought that I have is laced with OCD. I have thoughts that I am horrified by, disgusted at myself and terrified to ever share, thoughts that I would never act on but my OCD is always there with the "what ifs?". I've included some great content that shares more about experiences with OCD because it's a stigma that I am so desperate to destroy. It's a stigma that makes me continuously feel like I'm a freak, that I don't belong in normal society surrounded by normal people because it controls me so insanely. So please, if you'd like to learn more about the illness there are a couple of videos and this brilliant article from Hattie Gladwell for the Independent.

Thank you for reading and I will be back to normal on this blog very soon!

Rebecca
xxx