Contamination OCD

I wanted to write a little something about Contamination OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) because I am really struggling at the moment with the anxiety of the situation. I have never really struggled with contamination ocd until fairly recently, I'd occasionally had a bit of a tougher time but I had never truly experienced it this badly before. Contamination OCD is the fear of things around you being contaminated, for example some people might worry about the cleanliness of their hands and be worried that the germs on their hands could cause a threat to their wellbeing and so their OCD may cause them to complete compulsions (essentially tasks) like washing their hands multiple times or for a certain about of time to relax the anxiety around this fear. It can be severe to the extent where they cause severe damage to their hands when carrying out this compulsion.

A lot of people are experiencing what it can be like for someone with compulsive tendencies where they need to wash their hands during this current health pandemic. People are experiencing the desire to regularly wash their hands more in order to feel safe and protected from the virus, but this doesn't necessarily mean that those people have OCD, some might but most aren't. I've seen a few people explain that it is giving them insight into how people with OCD struggle because in order to feel safe, people are carrying out a compulsion.

I've have show OCD symptoms since I was a young child and was formally diagnosed with a strand of OCD called Obsessive Thoughts when I was 17 years old. With the current global health pandemic I have seen a significant increase in anxiety around contamination. I'm currently terrified that everything I touch, use or consume is contaminated. I have a constant anxiety that one of these things will give me the virus or that I will get sick. Every single cough or sneeze in my home, from my family members gives me an anxiety attack. I begin panicking, wondering where they are in the house, what could have been contaminated and I cannot shake the anxiety and continuous worry for a very long time.

I'm struggling to eat food that I haven't prepared myself and begin feeling sick and anxious when I eat something prepared by a member of my own family because I'm worried about the potential contamination and the chances I could be putting germs into my body. I'm worried pans, cutlery, plates and glasses haven't been cleaned correctly and that the risk for potential contamination there. I don't eat meat or eggs and I get anxious, worrying that these things have contaminated my food and I will get sick.

I can't control 4 other adults hygiene habits and I can't expect everyone to cater towards my ocd. I have to put my trust in my family members and right now that is horrendously terrifying because I'm constantly anxious about getting sick. I've tried to isolate myself to my room as much as possible because it's the only room where I feel safe, but I feel completely trapped and am continuously worrying about what could potentially be contaminated and it's exhausting. I'm scared and I'm tired and I spend all my waking day worried about germs and staying clean and it is incredibly difficult to quieten the anxiety and ocd spiralling in my thoughts.

Some help for Anxiety and OCD can be found here:

1. OCD UK
2. Sane
3. Young Minds - Covid19 Article

An Invisible Disease...

We talk a lot about mental health issues being an "invisible disease" and it made me wonder if any type of illness is every "invisible". To an un-educated eye it might be so but to someone with some degree of reading people it isn't so invisible to them anymore. A lot of the time, I spot things that people do or say that can link in habits and compulsions of people with mental health issue. From the way you talk quickly when you're nervous or the way you twiddle your thumbs when talking I can see that little glimmer of anxiety sitting there.

It got me thinking about how little my illness is an "invisible disease". If I wasn't so open about my illness would people be able to tell? Would my little compulsions and habits get classed as "quirks" and would I be treated differently as a person. You see the thing is with an invisible disease is that people don't always know straight away. You can be friends for years but the minute they hear that you have something wrong then they change. It's like you instantly have your illness written on your forehead and you begin to hear the whispers of "well when you did this...it made me wonder" and you begin to watch the people in your life change or disappear completely.

I don't believe in the "invisible illness" because I believe in some ways anything that is going on can be shown by how our body reacts. I've never not been poorly without somebody telling me how ill I look. How the workings of my brain have left me looking gaunt and pasty. You see when you are suffering the world will always know. It takes work to be invisible and is only as transparent as you would like it to be. It's not as easy and trying to hide it because our bodies fail us and let us down. Leaving our illness plastered on our foreheads for the world to see.

In some ways I'm extremely grateful that mental health issues are gaining awareness and that that stigma is slowly being broken down. People are feeling more and more confident about talking about their issues and hopefully one day we will live in a completely accepting and understanding world. Until then we have to continue to talk and educate and show people that this should be treated like any other illness.