So yesterday I went to my psychologist appointment and was told I had to take a physical exam (basically height, weight etc.). To be fair it was quite a pointless exercise but I couldn't help but leave the room with some weird thoughts about how the doctor reacted to my body. The doctor had to measure my height, weight, waist measurement, blood pressure and check for diabetes so it was a rather thorough test but it was still in the building with my psychologist. A building that is an outpatient service living with mental health issues.
I had never seen this doctor before, she didn't know my diagnosis in regards to my mental health and to her I could have literally had anything. At 19 I was concerned that she was not more considerate with what she said to me in regards to my weight. When I stepped on the scales she read out my weight in kilograms and told me that I could probably work it out into stone before she found it on her sheet. I was a little taken aback by that comment because I'm not someone who is constantly monitoring my weight as it made my mental illnesses worse at one point so I refrain from weighing myself at home on a regular basis. I hated that there was that stereotype that being a teenage girl i'd easily be able to convert kilos to stones in an instant. Once she'd figured it out she told me "you're a perfect 9 stone"(arggggghhhh), for all this woman knew I could have been at the outpatient service with an anorexia diagnosis. Hearing "a perfect 9 stone" could have been extremely dangerous for me to hear and I was a little shocked by what she had said to me.
It was such a dangerous thing to say and even still looking back at it I cringe at her choice of wording with it. Maybe, she was trying to make me feel good about myself but that could have been devastating news for a girl recovering from anorexia or bulimia. To be fair 9 stone falls into the "healthy weight" category for my bmi but even then I am falling to the lower end of "the healthy weight" spectrum where being underweight is on the horizon. The doctor then went on to take my weight measurements. This is where I begun to feel slightly grateful that I had the mental health diagnosis that I did because she commented on my "skinny, perfect waist" and then audibly "grrrr'd" jokingly as she took my waist measurements.
I never took my waist measurements from her and came out of the appointment feeling rather weird about myself. On some parts I felt good about my weight and things she had said but on other lingering parts of my mind I couldn't help but think about patients walking in there with eating disorders and how the same treatment would affect them. I know that yes, I'm over thinking and probably being very dramatic about the situation but I couldn't help but think how damaging that could be to other mental health patients.
Everything went well though and that's one thing off of the checklist for the next few weeks. Just the uni interviews to go now.
Lot's of Love,
Rebecca
xxx
No comments:
Post a Comment