Dear Rebecca (we all know you prefer your proper name much more).
I'm writing you a letter from the 2nd of January 2015 so hopefully this time next year you have something to look back on and be stunned by how much you have achieved since then. It feels weird talking to myself like this because I know that this time next year so much would have changed that you could be a completely new person altogether (even though you insist you're not going to drink alcohol at uni, how's that one going by the way???).
We had a tough year last year and I hope that it's something that we can look back on and not feel depressed and upset over but instead look at it as the times when things started to get better. Yes we've had several bad patches of depression where we've been unable to get out of bed, let alone make sure we were still eating and drinking enough to keep us alive, but this year we knew what it was for the first full year ever! In June - October 2013 we were diagnosed with Depression, Panic attacks and Anxiety and OCD (even the and's in that sentence drive your OCD up the wall) so coming into 2014 we knew what was happening and I knew that we weren't just some lazy freak who couldn't get out of bed.
Things changed massively for me this year, WE COMPLETED COLLEGE WITH A-LEVELS and although you were stupidly hard on yourself about your grades, we did it, we finished college and proved a whole load of people that we could do it! Last month (your teacher, who still continues to help you greatly) disclosed how many people around the college wanted to kick you out because of your attendance but with the fighting and perseverance of others you did it, you made it to then end and even now looking back I am so proud that we did it!
This was the first year that you haven't felt alone on new years, I know that we both remember the new years nights, alone, in bed and just sobbing because we didn't have any friends, any support or comfort from people my own age. This year however I realised how stupidly wrong we were, I have a family who LOVE me unconditionally, I have a radio family that also love me just as much as my own family and both continue to support me in everything and anything that I choose to do. Yes I have a few other friends but nothing comes even close to the realisation that my family have been here the whole time and I never truly was "alone".
We started 2015 on a high, no expected depressive breakdown and some incredible news that shocked you immensely. As of midnight on January 1st you were announced as one of the top 10 best newcomer radio presenters by the hospital broadcasting association, I still can't quite get over it and it was just the boost of confidence that I needed. I don't really mind if I don't make it to the top 3 at the end of march because to make it even this far was crazy!
As I look into 2015 the major change is going to be university. I hope you got a place at one of your two choices and have begun to settle in safely. I know it's not going to be an easy thing for us to do but I'm determined to keep going so that I can make it into the career that I really want. As of now that is a presenter at Radio 1, it's my ultimate dream. But who knows a year can change a women and 4 and a bit months of uni might have changed our dream all together!
I hope you're doing well future Becky, I really really do. Keep being determined and motivated and I know that we'll be able to do anything!
Lot's of Love,
Past Rebecca
xxx
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