I wouldn't consider myself completely obsessive of people (despite the OCD diagnosis). Although I sometimes find it hard to say goodbye to people who became important in my life. I know I shouldn't think about you daily but I do. Everything reminds me of you and the relationship we once shared. Times change and I know that, I can repeat it to myself multiple times but it still does not stop me from feeling like you abandoned me without a proper goodbye. I think a lot about the things that made us laugh and how we acted like naughty school children, pushing boundaries until somebody else began to crack with frustration and the fact they were in the presence of two complete idiots.
We did stupid things sometimes and I still cherish the memories of the laughter and the smiles that we shared. I miss the stupid little things sometimes, like how you would twist the same piece of hair when you were concentrating, even though you would deny it, knowing full well that I had watched you do just that minutes before-hand. I miss the first feelings I had of a best friend, someone who looked beyond my illness and loved me nonetheless. Certain songs still remind me of you, how we'd sing along stupidly at the tops of our voices or how you would do this stupid dance that had me in hysterical fits every single time.
You were a complete angel and at times I was overwhelmed by how comfortable around you I felt. You did so much for me, from being a mentor to a friend and even someone to sit beside me when I would panic and need to cry. I saw you get so protective of me that I wondered if I meant something more to you. When strangers would sail through our lives you were always right beside me, pressed to my side and a protective hand to watch out for me. I saw you consider hurting someone for the way they hurt me and it took so long to reassure you that it was okay. That I was okay.
I will always appreciate all that you did in your time in my life. From making tough situations just that little bit easier by making silly jokes or messing around with me, you were always there right beside me helping me through the tougher parts of our time together. I will always cherish those stupid times we had together, where we would act like idiots and sit laughing whilst everybody else around us tried to continue what they were doing. I loved being able to watch you work hard at something you loved so passionately that it radiated out of you. The little smile that would appear when you knew you'd made me laugh.
We did stupid things together from creating monsters to making people jump and I want to thank you for those memories. I know you never knew how much I cared and I was always to afraid to ask if you felt the same. But then you left and my world fell apart. I think about you so much that I begin to worry that it's not normal. I know it's not normal but I still can't cope with the idea of finally letting you go. For a while I became a bit of a stalker, as though helping myself grieve would be lessened by just appearing at random points in your life. But then I saw her and I realised you had moved on. You found somebody else to create those stupid memories with and someone else that gets to enjoy watching all the little things that made me so stupidly smitten.
I worry that I may never get over you, and the longer the time goes on the harder I worry that there's something wrong with me that I can't say goodbye. I miss you a lot and it doesn't get easier when your best friend just leaves. But I have one thing i'm sure about, I will know someone that I will love so innocently that won't just turn and leave me. I sometimes wonder if I ever cross you mind. If you hear songs that I do and remember stupid times we had together. It's difficult letting go of the past but one day I will be able to let you go too.
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